Let's Write A Story!
When we last visited Princess Annie's Kingdom of Peace things were in a bit of disarray. Giny the Demonic squirel was still screaming on the giant hook in the courtyard, Lorelei was locked up tighter than a whore's heart in the dungeons for the crime of promiscuity, the Orc had been captured and carried off, far far away by the Dread Pirate Pamplemouse, Laughlady was ignored and Mynamewas was not allowed in the story. None of that has changed, but now Sir Shoelimpy is riding in Crusade against the forces of evil that are darkening the borders of the Kingdom.
Our story picks up today, with Princess Annie walking on the snow-covered lawns of the castle, trailed by her ladies in waiting. Princess Annie wanders slowly, looking sad. Her destination is a large Weeping Willow tree, planted by the now frozen river. The Princess stops there for a moment, gazing at the simple stone erected under the tree, "Here lies Pablo Escobar Jr., he died as he lived, like a rabid dog." Princess Annie allows a single tear to escape her eye and trail poetically down her cheek. "Poor Pablo," she mourns, "such a filthy sinner. He's burning in Hell right now, of his own choice." She stands a moment longer, lifting her head to stare across the river at the beauty of the snow covered mountains in the distance. Her ladies in waiting gather round her, standing still and solem, heads bowed, eyes averted.
Princess Annie gives herself a slight shake as a thought enters her mind, "Sir Shoelimpy is riding back from the Crusades today! He'll be bringing me a present!! Maybe more than one!!"
Her eyes alight she turns her back on the tree with it's lonely grave and runs back to the castle laughing, knocking over a few of her ladies in waiting with her sudden turn and flight.
"Presents!!" she thinks to herself, "I wonder what they will be!!!"
Suddenly the castle bells ring to life, startling birds from the trees and heads from every window. The trumpets begin to blast and Princess Annie begins to run faster. When she arrives at the castle she sees......
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Sir Shoelimpy dismounts his horse. "My Lady," he cries to Princess Annie. "I have returned! And I brought presents for you, all the treasures of the East!"
He raises his arm, and servants rush towards the covered wagons. The covers are pulled away, revealing hordes and hordes of treasures. Emeralds, rubies, sapphires, diamonds, gold and silver, trinkets from everywhere. Silks, cloths, porcelain from China. Princess Annie cannot believe her eyes.
"All these are for you, Princess Annie!"
Princess Annie begins to run towards the treasure wagons when suddenly she stops...
"Your pony, m'lady," says the servant with a bow...
"I knew you wouldn't forget my pony!", the Princess says through a smile as she flashes her eyelashes and twists her hips toward Sir Shoelimpy.
Sir Shoelimpy stares at the Princess as if mesmerized, his eyes hot with passion for his love not seen for so many months as he battled the evil unbeliever. He stares at her beauty and purity, spellbound when suddenly....
In the blink of an eye, Sir Shoelimpy drew his sword and chopped off the servant's sword arm. The servant fell to the ground, howling in pain.
"You serve Atrios no more," said Sir Shoelimpy. And it seemed that all would be in peace, until...
"What shall be done with this scum, m'Lady?" asked one of the guards.
Everyone looked to see how the Princess would answer...
Looking through the bars of his prison he can see the wonders of outside, the bright blue sky, the birds singing in the trees. He can also see Cliff being brought to the chopping block as Princess Annie stands amongst her jewels.
"Princess," he tries to say, but he no longer has the words to say them. He picks up another bottle of beer...
She saves his life and he begins suckling at her teat crying about how mean Sir Shoelimpy is and lamenting his sorry state of affairs. "I could have been a Crusader!" he wails.
In the background the crowd cheers as Cliff is decapitated. Sir Shoelimpy sweeps Princess Annie off of her feet and carries her into the castle.
One of the townspeople picked up Cliff's head, while the rest began hurrying for firewood. Soon a raging fire was burning, and the still shouting head of Cliff thrown into the flames where it could shout no more.
This isn't a soap opera, this is an everyone can write it story that had been running for years until the evil Bobby trolled WWN to death.
A cry went out about the castle. "The fascists are coming, the fascists are coming!" Sir Shoelimpy rushed to the castle walls, to see what was happening. An army of whiners had amassed about the gates, complaining and griping.
"Don't you have anything better to do?" asked Sir Shoelimpy.
"No!" they shouted.
"Oh well." Sir Shoelimpy and Princess Annie left to go eat their grand feast in honor of Sir Shoelimpy's return. The guards seeing there was no threat began playing tiddly winks.
All was at peace in Princess Annie's Kingdom.