Let's Write A Story!


When we last visited Princess Annie's Kingdom of Peace things were in a bit of disarray. Giny the Demonic squirel was still screaming on the giant hook in the courtyard, Lorelei was locked up tighter than a whore's heart in the dungeons for the crime of promiscuity, the Orc had been captured and carried off, far far away by the Dread Pirate Pamplemouse, Laughlady was ignored and Mynamewas was not allowed in the story. None of that has changed, but now Sir Shoelimpy is riding in Crusade against the forces of evil that are darkening the borders of the Kingdom.

Our story picks up today, with Princess Annie walking on the snow-covered lawns of the castle, trailed by her ladies in waiting. Princess Annie wanders slowly, looking sad. Her destination is a large Weeping Willow tree, planted by the now frozen river. The Princess stops there for a moment, gazing at the simple stone erected under the tree, "Here lies Pablo Escobar Jr., he died as he lived, like a rabid dog." Princess Annie allows a single tear to escape her eye and trail poetically down her cheek. "Poor Pablo," she mourns, "such a filthy sinner. He's burning in Hell right now, of his own choice." She stands a moment longer, lifting her head to stare across the river at the beauty of the snow covered mountains in the distance. Her ladies in waiting gather round her, standing still and solem, heads bowed, eyes averted.

Princess Annie gives herself a slight shake as a thought enters her mind, "Sir Shoelimpy is riding back from the Crusades today! He'll be bringing me a present!! Maybe more than one!!"

Her eyes alight she turns her back on the tree with it's lonely grave and runs back to the castle laughing, knocking over a few of her ladies in waiting with her sudden turn and flight.

"Presents!!" she thinks to herself, "I wonder what they will be!!!"

Suddenly the castle bells ring to life, startling birds from the trees and heads from every window. The trumpets begin to blast and Princess Annie begins to run faster. When she arrives at the castle she sees......

Comments

Shoelimpy™ said…
Sir Shoelimpy, leading a train of covered wagons. Sir Shoelimpy is dressed in the finest of armor, shining brilliantly in the Sun. Princess Annie must almost avert her eyes so as not to be blinded.

Sir Shoelimpy dismounts his horse. "My Lady," he cries to Princess Annie. "I have returned! And I brought presents for you, all the treasures of the East!"

He raises his arm, and servants rush towards the covered wagons. The covers are pulled away, revealing hordes and hordes of treasures. Emeralds, rubies, sapphires, diamonds, gold and silver, trinkets from everywhere. Silks, cloths, porcelain from China. Princess Annie cannot believe her eyes.

"All these are for you, Princess Annie!"

Princess Annie begins to run towards the treasure wagons when suddenly she stops...
AnnieAngel said…
"You promised me a pony to ride for my very own!! You promised me a pony from the East!!! WHERE'S MY PONY??!!!", Princess Annie screams, her hands balled up just the way Sir Shoelimpy like them and stamping her feet with anger.
Shoelimpy™ said…
"I had not yet gotten to the pony, Princess Annie," says Sir Shoelimpy. He claps his hands together and from further down the train a servant approaches, leading a beautiful young brown Arab pony. The groom brings the pony before the Princess.

"Your pony, m'lady," says the servant with a bow...
AnnieAngel said…
Princess Annie ignores that the servant spoke to her for the moment but stores the information in her mind for later punishment.

"I knew you wouldn't forget my pony!", the Princess says through a smile as she flashes her eyelashes and twists her hips toward Sir Shoelimpy.

Sir Shoelimpy stares at the Princess as if mesmerized, his eyes hot with passion for his love not seen for so many months as he battled the evil unbeliever. He stares at her beauty and purity, spellbound when suddenly....
Shoelimpy™ said…
The servant whom had brought forth the pony lunged at Princess Annie. "Ha! Thou thought I was merely a humble servant, which I am, but a humble servant of Atrios! And now you shall both be killed!"

In the blink of an eye, Sir Shoelimpy drew his sword and chopped off the servant's sword arm. The servant fell to the ground, howling in pain.

"You serve Atrios no more," said Sir Shoelimpy. And it seemed that all would be in peace, until...
Cliff said…
Cliff magically appeared out of a gateway spun of fire and earth, and rammed his ashanderei directly up Limpy's touch-hole.
Upon shaking his head, cliff realized that while he had magically appeared from a gateway spun of fire and earth, upon first appearance he had been captured by the Princess Annie's guards, who dragged him through the earth to Miss Annie's feet.

"What shall be done with this scum, m'Lady?" asked one of the guards.

Everyone looked to see how the Princess would answer...
AnnieAngel said…
"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!", Princess Annie cried with delight, "Get the block, we're going to play Mulism today!!!"
Steer Pike Pie said…
Steerpikepie rushes into the scene, kills Shoelimpy with a backslap of his manly hand, chops off the head of Cliff, steals the Princess and escapes from the story, neither of them to be seen or heard from ever again, world without end, Amen!
Anonymous said…
You guys are such knobs.
Shoelimpy™ said…
Steerpikepie, awakening from his drunken stupor, realizes that he is, as he as always been, locked in the dungeon among a fetid pile of his own filth. His legs are wet: he urinated himself again in his sleep.

Looking through the bars of his prison he can see the wonders of outside, the bright blue sky, the birds singing in the trees. He can also see Cliff being brought to the chopping block as Princess Annie stands amongst her jewels.

"Princess," he tries to say, but he no longer has the words to say them. He picks up another bottle of beer...
PigEffer grabs the beer bottle and smashes it the fuck over limp-dick's head, causing him even more brain damage. He falls down into a long slumber where he has repeated wet dreams of being pie's prison-bitch.

Annie is so inpressed by PigEffer's show of power good solid judgment, and she drops his trowsers on the spot, gets behind him and gives him the Rusty Trombone of his life. He nearly shouts with delight.
Shoelimpy™ said…
While masturbating to his own sick fantasies beside a tree as Cliff is about to have his head chopped off, Wandering Pig Effer is impaled by Sir Shoelimpy's broadsword and thrown into the air. Pig Effer's fall is broken by a nearby pig trough, where is almost eaten by a swarm of starving hogs until it is revealed that the Queen Pig is actually his mother.

She saves his life and he begins suckling at her teat crying about how mean Sir Shoelimpy is and lamenting his sorry state of affairs. "I could have been a Crusader!" he wails.

In the background the crowd cheers as Cliff is decapitated. Sir Shoelimpy sweeps Princess Annie off of her feet and carries her into the castle.
cliff said…
"we're going to play Mulism today!!!"

Annie, what in the bloody hell is "Mulism"? Did you mean Muslim??? If you're going to pretend as if your're better than other cultures, it would help your credibility a great deal if you could at least spell.

I swear to god (lower case "g") you friggin' backwards, bible (lower case "b") thumping, brainwashed, inept, dipshits are all the same. Someone sells you the most ill conseived, illogical story in all of history (religion), and you believe it.
Shoelimpy™ said…
Although removed from his neck, Cliff's head continued to yammer even in death. The townspeople there began to scream and shout, for truly it was the blackest of sorcery that must be the culprit.

One of the townspeople picked up Cliff's head, while the rest began hurrying for firewood. Soon a raging fire was burning, and the still shouting head of Cliff thrown into the flames where it could shout no more.
Cliff said…
I'm still not dead...
Spill The Beans said…
"merely a fleshwound," cried Cliff.
Spill The Beans said…
I miss ginna. :(
AnnieAngel said…
Gina's around, she's posted on here a couple times, on all men are liars and LOLOL!

This isn't a soap opera, this is an everyone can write it story that had been running for years until the evil Bobby trolled WWN to death.
Shoelimpy™ said…
The burning decapitated head of cliff conitnued to wail even in the flames. He was ignored.

A cry went out about the castle. "The fascists are coming, the fascists are coming!" Sir Shoelimpy rushed to the castle walls, to see what was happening. An army of whiners had amassed about the gates, complaining and griping.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" asked Sir Shoelimpy.

"No!" they shouted.

"Oh well." Sir Shoelimpy and Princess Annie left to go eat their grand feast in honor of Sir Shoelimpy's return. The guards seeing there was no threat began playing tiddly winks.

All was at peace in Princess Annie's Kingdom.
Ben said…
waht hapend to teh valiunt orc stolun by dred pirate pamples??/
AnnieAngel said…
He was rescued by Princess Annie's army and taken back to the Kingdom of Peace where told many stories of his adventures and was given many fine gifts.

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