It's Winter Again

Damn it's cold outside. I had to go out this afternoon and run some errands and I only wore my fall coat. I should have worn my winter coat, hat, gloves and a scarf, it's just that cold. Groan, I'm so depressed.

So dude is cutting the last of the tile for the floor and then he's going to lay it. He'll come back another day to finish the tile on the walls. I'm amazed at how the bathroom is turning out, I've really outdone myself this time. I guess it's time to start thinking about where I'll be going when I leave here. I know that I'll be going to Cancun to stay with my friends for a few months, and I'm not going to look any further ahead than that. I'm going to party my ass off and have fun for a change. I'm going to surround myself with friends who love me for who I am. And if someone doesn't like me, oh well, that's their problem. I'm finished with apologizing to people who treat me badly. I'm tired of being humiliated by people who say they love me, by people who say they love me but who seem to take great joy in using what they know about how I've been hurt in the past to mimic the same behavior just to hurt and control me.

I'm better than that, right? I'm smart, I'm attractive, I'm funny and I'm fun to be with, I know that is true. It's gotten so bad, the way I view myself. I actually apologize to people who lie to me. :) I take the blame for everyone else's bad behavior and I really think that I'm half insane from trying to figure out why I'm such a horrible person, when I'm not. I'm a good person. I'm kind and giving and I help people if they need it. Why the fuck do I let people treat me as if I'm crap???

Any brilliant answers out there?


Shai said…
I don't have any answers, but I want to make sure you will keep us updated on all the fun you are going to have.
People suck. They see kindness as weakness and exploit it. I'm starting to realize this more and more now that I am working with the puplic. They are selfish and out for themselves.
But we will be in heaven while they are burnnig in the eternal fires of hell, and that thought gives me comfort. I sleep well at night. So should you.
Congrats on a bathroom job well done! :)
AnnieAngel said…
Thanks, Shai. :) It's not done yet and I'm hold off posting pictures until it is. I guess I could have done a step by step kinda thing and shown all the work that went into it, but oh well. ;)

I don't sleep well at all. I have fucked up dreams. :( But hopefully things will get better, one day at a time. I'm going to be strong this time, and preserve my dignity and my sanity. I'm not going to let anyone abuse me emotionally any more.
jannx said…
Annie; about your post

Even parents 'emotionally' hurt their kids or spouses or parent or siblings, that's part of life.

There is a matter of degree, is this a big or little issue. Arguing about the colour of sox is not as big a deal as arguing about buying a car instead of a bicycle. If it's small potatoes let it slide, if it isn't table the issue.

Friends are human, they do stupid human things, if they are inherently decent cut them slack if they are jerks, straighten it out.

You don't have to be an attack dog to get a point across. Just tell them they or their actions were out of line. If it's obvious you shouldn't need to explain if it isn't tell them how you felt and only do it once.

While you are with your friends somewhere warm down south in Cancun

Take a holiday.
Read a book.
Take a walk.

That's all I can pass on good luck
AnnieAngel said…
Thanx, Janx. I've learned though that telling people when they've hurt you just lets them know how to do it. And if I have to explain anymore how much it hurts me to someone who knows what they are doing, then that makes me a fool.

It won't be for a while that I'll be out of here and in Cancun on a beach, but it's closer everyday. The floor tile is all laid which amazes me since I started out with a big hole for a floor, 2x4 walls and that's about it. :)

Wasn't it cold and horrible out today? Canada is a frigid bitch of a country.
jannx said…
It's cold okay .. bitch of a country.. well so's Buffalo, Maine and Minnesota then there's the Dakotas!

Get Elvis in Blue Hawaii that could help. Cancun would keep me happy just thinking about it.
AnnieAngel said…
Actually it makes me happier to think that I'll be able to take a bath in my new bathroom very soon. :) A bubble bath. :)
neon said…
It's getting a little nippy here too.

I hope you have a great time in Cancun surrounded by proper friends. :)
AnnieAngel said…
Hey you. :) It's more than nippy here, it's just plain cold.

I'm convinced it's just a marketing strategy to make us have to buy new coats and boots.
neon said…
Howdy. :) I bet the electric companies are in on it too.

I'd die in Canada, and probably kill a few people too. I'm worse than Ricky at driving on ice. :(
AnnieAngel said…
At least I have my own natural gaswell. :)

90210 is such a bad show, but yet I watch it everday. I hate Brenda.
neon said…
haha. Do you love Luke Perry?
AnnieAngel said…
Hehehe. I love Steve. ;)
neon said…
I would not have guessed you were a Steve gal.

I love Kelly. :)
AnnieAngel said…
I loved it when Kelly fooled around with Dylan and Brenda said, "I hate you both, never speak to me again!"
neon said…
aw, was Kelly a slut? I don't watch that show much, I'm not even sure how I knew that girl's name was Kelly.
AnnieAngel said…
Well she was a slut in the old days, before the show started or something, but then she stopped being a slut and tried to live down her reputation.

But she ended up with Dylan for most of the show, as far as I remember. It was ages ago that this was on originally.
neon said…
I kind of remember, that was back in the days of TGIF.

I'm sure it wasn't a part of that wholesome lineup though.
AnnieAngel said…
I'm going to IKEA tomorrow! :D
neon said…
Whoo! What are you going to buy?
AnnieAngel said…
Curtains. :) And maybe a few rugs. I'm also picking up my faucets for my bathtub. :) It's the telephone kine. :D
neon said…
Awesome. :)

My curtains are great, you'd love them. I went to walmart and bought some of their cheap dollar a yard fabric and covered my windows with it. :)
neon said…
is the faucet like this?
AnnieAngel said…
That's pretty close! Mine's brass though. :) I'll take a picture when I get it home. :)

Maybe I'll sneak my camera into Ikea and take pictures, too. :)
neon said…
Pictures sound fun! :)

That faucet looks very neat. Now everytime I look at my faucet I'll think "Why don't you look like a phone?" :(
AnnieAngel said…
I guess I got a great deal too, because I paid less for the brass one I got than they want for the chrome one you linked. :)

It was also the only brass telephone faucet I could find, apparently brass is out of style, but I'm like ummmm, so everyone has to have chrome now? How can there even be a "style" of finish to be "in" if there is only once choice???

I finally found a place that could order me one, and they are also where I got my tile. I paid 10 cents more per tile for porcelain tile that looks like carrera marble than the price for the cheapest plain ceramic tile at Home Depot.

That makes me feel good, lame I know, but oh well. :)
neon said…
That's not lame at all. Good deals should make you feel good. :)
AnnieAngel said…
My faucets weren't really in. They said they were in, but they later realised they weren't and didn't call me because *insert lame excuse* but I glared at the guy and he said he could feel me glaring at him, so I guess he's learned his lesson. ;) I bought more tile though, and the store's on the way to Ikea anyway so, oh well. :)
neon said…
hahaha You sound like an awesome glarer. :P
AnnieAngel said…
I am the glare master!!!!

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