Know Any Good Jokes?

I don't have a good memory for jokes. About the only one I can ever remember is:

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Bunny farts. :)

I like that joke, I heard it on Bizzare, years ago. Now that was a silly show, Super Dave, LOL!

Anyone know any good jokes? And try to keep them clean. I'm looking at you Woods. And you Shai. And Jex. Oh....well, just make sure they're funny! ;P

Comments

Shai said…
Why do blonds wear underwear?

To keep their ankles warm! :D
Shai said…
Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs and armpits?


So they won't be mistaken for feminists!
Shai said…
What's the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

The puppy stops whining when it grows up.
Candy Apple said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
AnnieAngel said…
Hehehe! Obscene clone fall. :) I'll never remember that.

I'll remember the liberals and puppies one though. :D

What do you eat if you're stranded on a desert island?

The sandwiches there. :)
woodrow said…
What do you call a dog without legs?



It doesn't matter. He won't come, anyway.
AnnieAngel said…
Hehehe. That reminds me of a joke from probably grade 4:

What do you call a lady with one leg?

Ilene. (that totally doesn't look like it's spelled right to me)

What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg?

Irene.

Yes I know, not funny and horrible. :D
woodrow said…
who's Irish and stay's on your lawn all night?

Patti O'Furniture.

a quad-amputee in your pool?

Bob

...a quad-amputee on your doorstep?

Matt

...a quad-amputee on your wall?

Art

...in a pile of leaves?

Russell

...in your hot tub?

Stu
AnnieAngel said…
Hahahahahahahahahahaahahaha!

Those are bad, Woods. But funny. :) I think we went to the same grade school. ;)
woodrow said…
What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?

Full.
woodrow said…
What's long, skinny, green and smells like pork?

Kermitt's fingers.
woodrow said…
What's green and goes 500mph?


A frog in a blender.
woodrow said…
An old pastor passes a little boy playing in a junk yard. He wals over to the boy and says "Are you new here? I never seen you in church."

Kid says "Naw, I ain't never gone. Why should I?"

And the pastor says "well, there are many miraculous thing in the Church."

"Oh, yeah? Like what?"

"Well, I have Holy Water there that I can rub on an expecting womans belly, and she'll pass a beautiful baby!"

Kid says "That ain't shit! I got some battery acid in the junk yard that I can rub on a cat's ass, and it'll pass a Ferrari!"
AnnieAngel said…
That blonde joke was kinda gross, Woods. ;)

Do you remember that old email thing? Frog in a blender? That was pretty funny.

Not as funny as that deep south 9/11 call though. That remains my fave, even though I don't have it anymore and can't find it anywhere.

"The goddamn deer bit me in the back of my muthfuckin neck."

Classic.
AnnieAngel said…
What's yellow and smells like bananas?

Monkey puke. :D
woodrow said…
3 Irish ditch diggers are working across the street from a brothel when they see a minister walk up to the front door, look up and down the street, then scuury in.

The first Irishman looks up and says "lord, it is a sad day when ya see a rev'und go inna place like dat!"

A few moments later, a Rabbi walks up, looks both ways, take off his yarmaluke, and scurry in.

The Irishman looks up again and says "wot's dis world a'comin to! Ta sees a man'o da cloth patronize a place like dat!"

Then a priest comes along, and does like the others, then scurrys in.

The Irishman stands up tall, slaps the other two in the back of their heads and says "Fer chris' sakes laddies, take offen yer Hats! Some poor lassie's a dyin'."
woodrow said…
DIRTY JOKE ALERT!!!


What's the definition of a good friend?

One who will go downtown and buy two blowjobs, and come back and give you one!
woodrow said…
DIRTY JOKE II ALERT!

How can you tell if your roomate is Gay?

His dick tastes like shit.
AnnieAngel said…
Ummmmm.....ok.....you're a strange guy, Woods. :)
Shai said…
Yuck! Even I found that one disturbing Woods. :P
AnnieAngel said…
You made Shai say "yuck", Woods.

Way to go!!! ;)
woodrow said…
LAST ONE!!

This lovely, young blonde was driving home after an evening of partying, and a police officer pulls her over.

He says "mam, you were weaving back there. Have you been drinking?'

"Yes, officer, but please don't give me a ticket! If I have one more, I'll loose my License!"

"Well, mam, maybe we can work something out!" and he unzips his pants.

The lovely, young blonde looks at his member and starts to cry.

"What's the matter?" asks the officer.

She says "Oh, God! Not another breathalyzer!"

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