Application To Date Me
1. Must have a job. And don't give me any bullshit about being laid off for the winter, or any crap about part-time whatever. Unless you're fishing crab, you should be working every day. Every. Fucking. Day. And no office jobs, you've got to have a job where you work with your hands and get all dirty. NO EXCEPTIONS.
2. Must have a car, and not a piece of shit, but a decent car. I don't care if it's fancy as long as it isn't embarassing. And it should always have gas in it, I will check the gauge. If it's always near empty, you're probably a looser.
3. Try to be at least 28 and no older than 39. I might go younger if you're like hot and mature and stuff, but I won't go older.
4. I like candy. 'Nuff said. Or it should be enough said. But it usually isn't. So just buy me some candy and don't make me tell you again.
5. Should know absolutely nothing about computers or the internet and shouldn't care.
6. Must be able to fix stuff without complaining or even being asked. Should love mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage. Killing bugs and capturing bats should be second nature.
7. Gotta play hockey. I won't come to your games, get over it.
8. Must be Jewish where it counts and Christian enough to go to Church if I ask.
9. At least 6 foot, 200 pounds. 5' 10" is not 6 foot. Also, no fatties.
10. Should know nothing about politics, and not care.
11. Shouldn't read books or watch tv, but should play video games. Shouldn't even know what WoW or D&D is.
12. I have NO INTEREST in meeting your parents. It's best if you don't come from a weird, creepy, close family. Grow up!
EDIT to add:
13. Shouldn't drink daily or use "i like to party" as an excuse for why you do, if you do.
14. Must shower daily. That's important.
I'm thinking of putting this on the back of a tshirt. Did I forget anything?
2. Must have a car, and not a piece of shit, but a decent car. I don't care if it's fancy as long as it isn't embarassing. And it should always have gas in it, I will check the gauge. If it's always near empty, you're probably a looser.
3. Try to be at least 28 and no older than 39. I might go younger if you're like hot and mature and stuff, but I won't go older.
4. I like candy. 'Nuff said. Or it should be enough said. But it usually isn't. So just buy me some candy and don't make me tell you again.
5. Should know absolutely nothing about computers or the internet and shouldn't care.
6. Must be able to fix stuff without complaining or even being asked. Should love mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage. Killing bugs and capturing bats should be second nature.
7. Gotta play hockey. I won't come to your games, get over it.
8. Must be Jewish where it counts and Christian enough to go to Church if I ask.
9. At least 6 foot, 200 pounds. 5' 10" is not 6 foot. Also, no fatties.
10. Should know nothing about politics, and not care.
11. Shouldn't read books or watch tv, but should play video games. Shouldn't even know what WoW or D&D is.
12. I have NO INTEREST in meeting your parents. It's best if you don't come from a weird, creepy, close family. Grow up!
EDIT to add:
13. Shouldn't drink daily or use "i like to party" as an excuse for why you do, if you do.
14. Must shower daily. That's important.
I'm thinking of putting this on the back of a tshirt. Did I forget anything?
Comments
I need to shorten the list somehow, it's not gonna fit on the back of a tshirt.